Kristian was attracted to me as well. And slightly older than his roommate. They were both in their early 30s. However, despite the fact that we had some sexual contact, Kristian inevitably turned me down because of my maturity level. He didn’t want to take advantage of my vulnerability. I think that made me want him more. When I left their apartment to head onto my next destination, I left him a card, thanking him for his choice.
My experience with Kristian in Toronto inspired the short film I worked on for my Graduate Diploma the following year. When my Mum was dying, she let me use her frequent flyer miles to book a flight for Kristian to come to Australia to play the lead character in my script. I wanted to see Kristian again, hoping for an opportunity to finally have sex with him, and I wanted him to be part of the production he inspired.
The script centred on a young Australian woman trying to escape her mother and travelling on her own for the first time. It was set in Toronto, Canada, and she meets a local male stand-up comedian, who takes her in and gives her a place to stay. Romance blossoms between them, but he ends up turning her down the way Kristian turned me down.
I started dating my soon-to-be-ex-husband after I’d booked those flights for Kristian. This man was around the same age as Kristian… I seemed to have a thing for older men in their 30s. When I met my husband, we started dating on the agreement that I would be allowed to have sex with Kristian when he visited. My then-boyfriend had one other partner he was allowed to have sex with as well. He took advantage of that in the first two weeks we were dating, and I soon broke up with him, albeit for different reasons. When we got back together, it was on the condition that we would be monogamous. I was willing to give up my chance to sleep with Kristian in order to be in this relationship.
We got engaged a month and a half after we met. And Kristian had to pull out of my production, because the shooting dates didn’t work for him. I ended up changing his flights so he could attend my wedding instead.
But that meant I no longer had a leading male with a Canadian accent for my film. Somehow, thanks to coincidence, the Universe working in mysterious ways, or something, I met a Canadian man named Mike, a stand-up comedian who was looking to perform in Australia. My leading male character was was a stand-up comedian. I immediately cast him in the role, and things worked out well from there. We let him stay in my fiance’s apartment while he was in town. Mike turned out to be perfect for the role.
Kristian still got to be part of the production. He recorded some of his own stand-up comedy for me, which I used as some of the background soundtrack in part of the film.
When the following April rolled around, Kristian did indeed attend my wedding. We let him stay in the apartment we bought and were renovating, because we weren’t staying there at the time.
One night, Kristian and I stood in the visitor parking lot of the apartment complex. I don’t remember much of the conversation, only that Kristian said that if my marriage didn’t last, and I still wanted to have sex with him in 5 years, he’d finally take me up on it. I never told my husband about this conversation. I never told him about any of the people who suggested our marriage wouldn’t last.
The following year, I had my first child. My husband and I travelled around the world with him before he was one, and when we visited Boston, Kristian came to visit us in our hotel. We hung out with Kristian and Kristian’s then-girlfriend.
I didn’t see Kristian again until many years later, after I moved to Oakland, where I live now. Although we still occasionally communicated online, and I told him about how my marriage was opened up. Part of me still wanted to sleep with him because of those early memories of the time I spent with him.
A few years ago, Kristian came to San Francisco with a new girlfriend. I went and saw a play with them. I probably seemed happy, because most of my life was good.
In the last couple of years, I’ve messaged Kristian about the breakdown of my marriage. Admitted to the abuse, and he’s been understanding. He has another new girlfriend now. I don’t keep track. We’re not that close any more. He always seems to be in a relationship with someone when I talk to him or see him, so I don’t mention that I’d still be open to sleeping with him. It’s probably better if we don’t. If we did, maybe it would taint my belief that he had my best interest in mind, all those years ago when he turned me down.
Kristian taught me how older men should be cognizant of the power they hold over young women. How important it is for them to take things slow, if at all, so as not to let them rush into something they’re not mature enough to understand and may later regret. My husband was the opposite of that.